


Past Imperfect

by misaffection



Category: Primeval
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Gen, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-18
Updated: 2013-03-18
Packaged: 2017-12-05 17:44:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/726069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misaffection/pseuds/misaffection
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Helen Cutter's interference has affected more than one person's past - and James Lester is about to revisit a part of his.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

When Nick Cutter enters Lester’s office, he finds the civil servant raging on the ‘phone. Stopping at the door, Nick tries not to overhear, but it’s impossible. It would seem the ARC is getting a new member and Lester is not happy. Not in the slightest. He slams the ‘phone down.

“What?” he snaps at Nick.

“I was going to ask about the personal files, but maybe not.”

Lester glares. “No.” For a moment, he sits and stews, but silence isn’t something he does well. “Do you know who I’ve been assigned? Alexis bloody Edwards. Oh, excuse me, it’s Doctor now, apparently. And I don’t even have a choice!”

Nick thinks that over, but there’s only one result. “I’ve never heard of her. What’s her field?”

“Pissing me off, it would seem. She’s…” Crimson colours Lester’s cheek. “My ex.”

For the first time since Claudia disappeared, Nick realises there’s something different about James Lester, something missing: namely the ring on his left hand. Apparently it’s not just his past that Helen’s inference has messed up.

“Oh,” he says. There’s not much else he can say. “When will she be joining us?”

“Today.” It comes out as a groan and Lester buries his face in his hands. “I don’t suppose you can find an anomaly I could disappear into before then?”

“You might end up eaten.”

“I’d take that.”

Nick bites back a smile. “She can’t be that bad, surely?”

“Yes.” Lester sighs and looks up “Maybe? I’ve not seen her in five years.”

Helen has really done a number on their timeline. Nick wonders why, what the point of breaking Lester’s presumably happy home was, or if there even _was_ a point – knowing her, she might have done it just because she could.

But just as Jenny Lewis has filled the space where Claudia Brown had been, Alexis Edwards is about the fill a different gap. Time seems determined to flow in one particular direction, no matter what.

And as he watches Lester run a flustered hand through his usually immaculate hair, Nick can’t help but think this might prove to be a very interesting alternative indeed.


	2. Ghosts

In the last twenty four hours, Alex has gone over the thousand different ways entering the ARC could go. None of them have ended terribly well. But she can’t back out now. She swallows her nerves and goes in.

The building is very modern; all white walls and sweeping curves, shining chrome and huge windows. It feels clinical, which given that it’s a research facility is probably a good thing, though it doesn’t help her stomach settle.

She enters the main area, the operations room, and comes to a stop. She’s read the files, but that hasn’t prepared her in any way for the reality. A bank of monitors dominates the room, the technology right at the edge of human endeavour: the anomaly detector. Nerves give way to the buzz of excitement.

There’s a young man at the keyboard, his dark hair constantly falling into his eyes as he works. Alex smiles and clears her throat to get his attention. He turns and stares at her. She wonders if James has even told them about her assignment. It’s not guaranteed.

“Hi, you must be Connor.” She walks over and sticks out a hand. “Alex Edwards.”

“Oh. Oh! Yes. Cutter said…” Connor scrambles to his feet, then takes her hand. He grins cheerfully and some of Alex’s tension leeches away. “Nice to have you on board.”

“Nice to be here.” The detector pulls her attention to it. “This is incredible.”

“Thanks! There’s still a few bugs, but it’s coming along. I’d still like to be able to predict anomalies, though.”

“Like a storm front?” Alex’s area of expertise isn’t anything she’d imagine the ARC needs, but the minister was insistent. She leans on the back of the chair and runs her gaze over the monitors. “I suppose it would depend on how much electromagnetic force they put out before actually appearing.”

Connor blinks, then grins. “Oh, you’re gonna be brilliant,” he enthuses.

She’s glad someone thinks so. “I hope so.”

“Want to meet the rest of the team?” he offers.

And she would really love to take him up on that. Heck, she’d rather get shoved through an anomaly than do what she has to right now. She glances up a level and fights the urge to simply run away.

“Maybe later,” she sighs. “I should go and report in.”

Connor nods. “Yeah, Lester does like to be kept in the loop. Just…” He breaks off to run a hand through his hair. “He’s kind of prickly, and he’ll probably be fairly rude, but it’s nothing personal. He’s like that with everyone.”

Except it is personal. Alex gives Connor a wan smile. “I’ll try to remember that.”

There’s nothing else for it – the time has come to pay the piper, and there’s a huge amount of interest on the debt. She pulls herself away and up the ramp to the next floor. She knows which room his office is, knows he’ll be waiting. She has no idea what she’s going to say.

His door is closed. It takes her three attempts to work up enough nerve to actually knock, and more not to simply flee rather than face him. His voice tells her to come in. Her heart turns over at the sound of it. Shaking, she pushes the handle down and opens the door.

The five years have barely touched him, if she ignores the wariness in his blue eyes. He wears an expensive Italian suit, fitted to perfection, and fusses with the silver cufflinks rather than look at her for too long. Her heart aches, but there is still so much difference – she never was Oxford-set material – and she knows it was the right decision. Even if it still hurts like hell.

“James.”

He stares at her. She wonders what he sees, now. “Alexis.”

It’s polite, but coolly distant. She can’t really blame him. She didn’t so much burn that bridge as blow it out of the water. There’s nothing left, and it’s her fault. She’s hated herself ever since, but reaches a new low on seeing the quiet pain on his face.

“I’ve no idea what to say,” she confesses, and that hurts as well. Once she’d been able to tell him anything. “I don’t suppose ‘sorry’ even begins to cut it.”

His expression hardens. “Not really, no.” He sits back and folds his arms. “I don’t approve of this assignment, but I’m told there’s no choice. So I guess we’re stuck with either other.”

Alex nods, lost for another response. “I guess so.”

“I don’t like it, you don’t like it, so we’re at least on the same page there. I’ll need reports from each mission, but other than that, there’s no reason we have to… I think keeping a distance is probably best.”

She stares at the floor. “Yes.”

He’s quiet for a moment, then sighs hard. “How have you been?”

“Okay.” It seems so little after so long. She glances at him. “You?”

“I survived.”

She flinches. “James–”

“Don’t. You’re far too late.” He closes up again and her heart bleeds. “You can go now.”

Alex bites her bottom lip, but he’s ignoring her and she beats a retreat. He’s not forgotten, nor forgiven. Then again, she’s not forgiven herself. How she’s going to survive this, she’s no idea, but it’s a chance to try and at least lay a ghost to rest.

If James will let her.


	3. Distance

It isn’t supposed to matter. He supposed to be professional. But James finds that’s slipping lately and it’s largely down to the woman he’s watching from the safe distance of his office.

She’s a hit with the team, though that doesn’t surprise him; she was always good with people. Talking with Connor, her interest is clear on her face, and he responds to that. James is not jealous. No, the acid roiling through his stomach is simply indigestion.

Leek approaches her. James smirks at the way she clams up – he knows she doesn’t like the man, and he feels the same way. And, if he’s honest, he’s watching him more closely _because_ of her dislike. He still trusts her judgement, on some matters at least.

He wonders if keeping her at a distance is the best thing, but even after five years, even after what she’d done, her presence still upsets his equilibrium. She can unsettle him with a glance. He doesn’t want to feel that, wants to hold onto the anger so she won’t hurt him again, and therefore distance is necessary.

He’ll forgive her if he’s not careful.

Leek smiles and touches her arm. She doesn’t quite recoil, but her tension is obvious. James grits his teeth, wanting to storm down there and pull the horrid little man away from her. He does not like the way Leek looks at her.

Finally he leaves and Alexis relaxes. Connor says something and she laughs, abet shakily. Her mood bounces though, and with the detector on high alert, she’s eager to go throw herself into mortal danger again.

It shouldn’t matter. He shouldn’t care. But it’s _her_ and that makes all the difference in the world, and he can’t help but worry. There’s a ton of paperwork and emails to answer, but all he does is pace until she’s back, safe and sound.


	4. A Murder of One

Alex can’t think. She’s supposed to be writing up her report, but every time she starts to, her mind jumps to the conclusion – the mammoth, the predator, the blood on James’s shirt. The thought of how close she came to losing him leaves her shaking, her stomach sick. And while it’s part of the job for her, _he_ was never meant to be in that position.

She digs the pen into the paper, draws a heavy black line; the imaginary knife across Leek’s throat. Hatred boils and she scrapes the pen again. The lines are sharp, jagged, and the paper tears. She screws it into a ball and throws it at the wall.

Then her anger drains and it’s those memories again. Her eyes sting. She presses the heels of her hands into the sockets. It takes a few moments and several deep breaths for the threat to pass. She cannot cry. If she starts, she won’t ever stop.

“Alex?” Abby, ever concerned, hovers in the doorway.

She banks everything down. “Hey.”

“Are you okay?”

Alex pauses, the lie on the tip of her tongue, but the look on Abby’s face tells her it’s a pointless exercise. She sags, shakes her head. “No.”

“He’s all right, you know. More pissed off at having a shirt wrecked than anything else.” Abby grins, but Alex can’t share in her amusement.

“He could have died.” She can’t get her head around that. “It’s not supposed to be him, dammit! Not here! He should have been _safe_.”

Abby frowns and stares at her feet. Then she looks up. “It doesn’t work like that. The anomalies… too many people want them for their own gain. Lester knows that. He wasn’t entirely unprepared.”

Thank God; Alex knows she’d be mourning him now without that training.

“You ought to speak to him,” Abby adds.

“He won’t listen.”

Abby shrugs one shoulder slowly. “Me and Connor were with Cutter. Jenny was sent off by Leek. I wonder where he said _you_ were.”

She hasn’t considered that. Horror spikes through her misery. “He wouldn’t,” she says, though she knows too well he would. And the attack on James was personal. She gets to her feet and shoves out of the office, running before she thinks about it too much.

She’s done that once today. At least the worst thing she’ll encounter this time is an irate James.

He looks up as she skids into his office. He’s changed his shirt and, other than the graze on his cheek, it’s hard to tell anything’s happened at all. Except there is a darkness in his eyes that wasn’t there first thing this morning. His anger is in check, but she knows him well and he is furious.

“Leek?”

“We’re tracking him. He won’t get away.”

Alex doesn’t fancy the man’s chances, or envy him his fate. She licks her lips, suddenly nervous and not sure she even wants to know. “What did he tell you?” she asks.

“It doesn’t matter. It wasn’t true.”

“But you… thought it might be? James, please. I need to know what he told you.”

“He said you were dead.”

It’s not what she was expecting. She sits down hard. “Oh.”

“What did you think it was?”

A nightmare, retold with lies and a determination to hurt them both. She can’t tell him, not all of it. Not yet. She isn’t willing to do that to him. Best that she carry the burden on her own until she’s more sure…

“He… tried it on with me. A few days ago. I didn’t. I _hated_ him, but I thought… I thought he might have spun it otherwise.”

James shakes his head, the anger closer to the surface. “No. He didn’t bother with that, just said he’d made sure you were unable to interfere. Actually didn’t say you were dead, rather inferred it.”

Or Leek had thought she’d back off after being assaulted. “Idiot,” she mutters. “Are we allowed to shoot him, do you think?”

His smirk is feral. “Well, we are allowed to use deadly force if he resists arrest. I’m rather hoping that he does.”

Alex chuckles. The horror is dwindling, though she might not sleep tonight. Still, she feels a little better and pulls herself out of the chair. It’s best she leaves while things are pleasant between them. She can’t handle an argument right now.

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” she says, then heads quickly for the door. Her name stops her, hand on the handle. She doesn’t turn. “What?”

“I’m glad that you are, as well.”

It comes from behind her, low and laced with emotion. She can’t do this. Not now. Her heart can’t take it. She opens the door. “I need to go.”

He leans past her, his hand flat on the door. It slams into the frame, making the glass shiver. Alex swallows hard. “James.”

“When are you going to stop running?” His tone is almost conversational, but there’s a layer of pain she doesn’t want to hear.

“It still won’t work.”

“You were so sure of us, once.”

“Then I woke up to the responsibilities and the fact I never fitted in. You needed someone who wouldn’t be a burden.”

“I wanted you. I didn’t _need_ anything else.”

Alex loses her fight against the tears. “That’s easy to say, but harder to live. I can’t be the proper little wife, James. You know I can’t.”

He turns her and she quails at the determination on his face. “Did I ask that of you?”

“No, but–”

“But what, Alexis? It was bloody simple, before you went and made it complicated. I didn’t understand then, and I’m not sure I do now. What the hell was wrong with us?”

She gulps past the lump in her throat. “Nothing. We were perfect. But it wouldn’t have stayed that way.”

“You can’t know that.”

“I can! We lived in different worlds, James. There was no getting past that. As much as I loved you, I couldn’t… People would have judged you poorly for your choice, and I’d have been the gold digger and… I couldn’t live with that.”

His expression goes bleak. “So you ran away. Left me high and dry, with no explanation. Yeah, you must have loved me all right.”

“I did.” She shakes her head in despair. “And I still do. You scared me half to death today. The thought of losing you…”

James grits his teeth. He gives her a little shake, then yanks her into his arms. She balks, because she’s all too aware of his injured chest, but he’s stronger than she remembers and wriggling doesn’t get her anywhere.

“Did someone say something to you?”

She remembers the ball; it was the worst night of her life. “Y-yes. At the New Year’s Ball. I didn’t know who she was, but she said… she mentioned how incompatible we were, how I’d end up being something I loathed, how we’d end up hating each other.” Alex lets out a hollow laugh. “Pretty much every doubt and fear I’d held since you proposed.”

James sighs. “And you didn’t mention this to me because?” Then he holds her at arms’ length. “What woman?”

“I don’t know.”

“What did she look like?”

Alex thinks back. “My height, dark hair. Pretty in a sharp sort of way. She wore a black cocktail dress and pumps. I remember that, because it seemed odd she wasn’t in heels.”

James’s expression is wary. “Did she have a name?”

“I didn’t ask. She walked off and I went home.”

He pulls away and stalks to his desk, rooting through papers. Then he holds up a photograph. “This her?”

The image is of a woman with ruffled hair wearing a rough jacket and trousers. But the face is the same. “Yes. Why do you have a photo of her?”

“Because that is Helen Cutter.” James slams a fist down on the desk. “Dammit!”


	5. A Little Time

His to-do list is fairly short: find and arrest Leek, deal with Helen. He clicks the pen on and off several times and then writes at the bottom, _Alexis_.

James clicks the pen off and puts it down. Of the three things, she’s going to be the hardest, because he doesn’t know how to get past what’s happened. She used to be so sure about him, now she’s sure that they can’t work, and he can’t help but think the last few weeks might be enough proof for her.

It isn’t fair; he’d not _known_. He’s been operating under the assumption she’d left for… what? He doesn’t quite know, but he’d not considered the possibility of someone travelling through a damn anomaly with the sole intent of breaking up his relationship. He has to hand it to Helen – she really knows how to pull off a mad scheme.

But he’s still left with a god-awful mess and little clue how to mend things.

Perhaps he ought not to be thinking about it right now – what with Leek on the loose and Helen up to no good – but it’s bugging him. He’s missed her these past five years and knowing why just makes the hole deeper. Her assignment feels less like salt in the wound and more like a second chance, as long as his attitude’s not already screwed that up.

And then everything gets worse. Losing Stephen is a sharp reminder of how fragile life is, especially one spent chasing the most dangerous creatures on the planet. James feels only a little pleasure that Leek is also dead, because Helen is still out there and the danger is still very real. And Alex is still on the front of a battle without rules.

She stands by him, her face pale as the service draws to a close. He knows she’s thinking of the predator and his own close shave, though probably not the risks she herself faces. He watches her for a moment, then lets his fingers brush hers. She doesn’t look away from the fresh grave, but she takes his hand. Clings tightly.

It’s the first glimmer of hope he’s had in days. He can’t help but think about what Cutter said, when pressed hard and with the full knowledge that the present is most definitely wrong.

They should be married. They should have kids, dammit. There’s a whole life he’s lost and there’s nothing to remember it by, because it didn’t even happen. But fate, or something, has brought her back to him. He grasps that as tightly as she does his hand.

“You said yes, once,” he reminds her. “For richer or poorer, because it doesn’t matter to me. It never did.”

She sighs and squeezes his fingers. “I know. And I’m sorry.”

“So am I.”

The service closes and people begin to drift away. He looks at her, then heads for the car. She follows, hand still in his. When she gets into the car, he can barely keep the smile off his face. Now is not the time.

It’ll take more of that, yet.

Still… “I made you a promise. I would like the chance to keep it.”

Alex looks at him, then leans against him. “It’s such a mess,” she notes. “Especially now. They’re going to need me.”

“I wasn’t asking you to resign.”

“Can I stay, then?”

“I’d rather you did.”

She gives a soft laugh. “That’s different.”

James ignores the dig. “You promised me something as well.”

Her humour fades. “I know.”

“And?”

“The problems don’t stop existing just because you ignore them, James.”

“They’re not insurmountable either, Alex. How about we tackle them together?”

She scans his face, her eyes gentle. He knows full well she’s no more over him than he is her. Her smile makes his heart ache, then she leans in further. Her lips brush his and God, but he has missed her.

“We both have promises to keep,” she says then. “Just… give it a little time, James.”

He wonders what she’d say if he told her that in one time she’d not run away, whether she’s already guessed at some of it. She’s intelligent enough to figure it out, that’s for sure. But does it make a difference? He thinks not.

No, they have to start over. As if it never happened, because this reality is that it didn’t. Which really makes his head hurt.

“We have all the time in the world,” he tells her.

And hopes to God that’s the truth.


End file.
